Guards Down
by suallenparker
Summary: They are both fixers in their own ways but when Nico and Dani are the ones who need help finding strength again they look to each other. Maybe for once they can let each other in. – Alternative Version of the Kissing-Scene of "All the king's horses". Twoshot.
1. Chapter 1

**Guards down**

Disclaimer: Not mine.  
Spoiler: This is an alternative version of the kissing-scene in 2x11 "All the King's Horses", so it obviously has spoilers for that. Also some spoilers for the Nico/Dani-scenes from 2x10 "Double Fault".  
Thanks to _**Haku2009**_ for betaing this and fixing all my mistakes as well for coming up with this awesome summary!

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Sometimes we all reach our breaking points. These low moments when we feel lost and overwhelmed and we barely hold ourselves together. Then we hide like lions to lick our wounds in secret until we feel strong enough to face the outside world again. Nobody likes to expose their vulnerability. But sometimes life doesn't give you the choice. Sometimes we all need a shoulder to cry on.

I was always good at being that shoulder, that person that helps others to get back on their feet. That's why I became a therapist. I love helping people to get back on their feet by creating a save place for them and making them feel less alone with their problems. I'm quite good at it too.

But I'm not very good when it's the other way around. When I'm the one needing help. I know it's normal to need other people. I know there's no shame in needing help. I tell that to every one of my patients. And I mean it. Yet still it's hard for me to let my guard down. Being the one that fixes things is so much easier.

When Nico told me that Marshall Pittman had the original tapes from the wiretapping, I was devastated. I couldn't hold back my tears. I hated that he saw me cry, hated it. I hated my own helplessness and that I was once again exposed to the arbitrariness of a man I couldn't trust and I hated that Nico was there to witness it.

He surprised me when he stayed. In my experience guys are usually happy to leave when a crying woman asks them to. But he didn't run then.

Maybe I tried to kiss him, because he stayed despite myself. He gave me the feeling that I could lean on him. One reason why I usually hate to reach out for help is that I usually for grab thin air, especially since Jeanette went back to Barcelona.

Maybe he left, because he saw how vulnerable I was and didn't want to take advantage of me. I like this version the best. I don't like thinking about the others.

After TK had shown up at my house yesterday I called Matt and once again I had been reaching for thin air. Maybe I was kidding myself believing that Matt and I were ever friends. After Matt hung up, I wanted to call Nico. I don't know why.

I don't know… The shitty part of being a well trained therapist is that it becomes so much harder to lie to yourself. Don't know means I don't want to say. I don't even want to think it. Yet still, I do. I'm attracted to him. I'm drawn to him. I feel safe with him.

Ironically it's the last one that scares me the most.

It's so tempting to trust that feeling, to give into the illusion. I already fell for that once in my life. Eighteen years later I'm divorced.

That's why I didn't call Nico. I was afraid he would come. I was almost sure he would come if I asked him too. Until now he was always there when I needed him. I never like it when he leaves. I already depend on him too much. I already need him too much.

Like this moment right here, for example. I sit on my bench with a fish glass in my hands crying over my dead betta fish and wishing that Nico would be here.

Then I hear steps coming towards me. When I look up I see Nico, holding a package in both hands.

If a God exists, moments like this make me question if it's a cruel God or a compassionate one.

"What's wrong?" Nico asks and sits down next to me.

I hate that he can read me so easily, but since I'm sitting at a bench with a bowl filled with water and a dead fish, it wasn't that hard to catch, I suppose.

"The fish is dead," I say and hastily wipe away the tears with one hand.

"I'm sorry."

"It's nothing." It really isn't. It shouldn't be. I don't know why I'm making such a big deal about it.

"It's not nothing, Dani," he says. His voice is so calm. He is always so calm and controlled. Moments like that I wish I had his poker face.

I snort. "I'm upset because a fish died. That's silly."

"It's not."

"Want to hear something even more ridiculous?" I ask. It's a rhetorical question. I don't even give him a second to answer before I continue, "I miss talking to him. I seriously miss talking to a fish."

"I'm sure he was a good listener."

I chuckle at that. It's pathetic. I miss Jeanette right now. I wish Matt hadn't hung up on me yesterday. I wish I could save TK. And now I'm having an emotional crisis because my daughter's betta fish died. I can't hold back another tear.

"I'm here if you want to talk," Nico says.

I turn my head to look at him. He has such kind eyes. I feel less alone when he looks at me. Wiping away the tears I try to smile at him.

"You brought me something?" I ask and nod at the box in his hands.

"The box Pittman sent was for you. The original tapes." He puts the box beneath the bench.

"That's great." Nico nods and stares into the darkness that swallowed my garden. I frown. "But there is something else. Something is wrong."

"They found Pittman's body. He's dead," he says. He still sounds calm, but I know him better.

I set aside the fish bowl and quickly wrap my arms around him. We fall into our embrace as if it would be the most natural thing in the world, as if we did this a million times before.

"I'm so sorry," I whisper. As much as I mistrusted that man, Marshall Pittman was still Nico's friend. And now he is dead and I made Nico listen as I rambled on about my dead fish. Dammit. I'm sorry for that too.

"He was the only one who knew me," Nico says. "Except for you." His breath is warm against my neck and his words send chills down my spine.

Except for me…

I back up a little to look into his eyes.

This is overwhelming. I want to tell him that I barely know anything about him. I can count the moments he opened up to me on my two hands. This is so sad. And yet I feel honored every time he lets me in. He's the most intriguing man I know. He's so in control all the time. I doubt that he would allow anybody else to see him as vulnerable as he is now.

I don't want to hurt him. I don't want to push him away.

He looks at me and lets me see everything. He seems so lost. I can see his grief. I can see his trust in me. I can see his strength.

Maybe he's right. Maybe I do know him. The thought feels like an achievement. Like I am special and strong because the strongest and toughest and most independent person I know trusts me. I like that he needs me too, I feel it gives our relationship a nice balance.

I cup his face with one hand. His stubble feels rough, but his skin is soft.

There is no pressure on my lips when I put them against his. The way I kiss him is like how I used to kiss a scrape or a bruise on my kids. I want to kiss him better.

He doesn't run this time. Instead I feel his fingers dig into my sides. He sighs when I pull away. Our foreheads are resting against each other and I feel his breath on my face. And for a moment we're both just breathing.

I should stop now. I shouldn't take advantage. But he looks at me and he smells so good. He feels so good. I kiss him again. I'm fed up with being professional. I'm fed up with my loneliness. I want him to kiss me better. And he does.

o0o

**A/N: My first try at a Danico-fanfiction. As always with firsts, I'm a bit nervous about this one. Especially because it's a new version of something we already saw on TV. The Kiss!  
I loved it on the show, but I wasn't happy with how they built up to it on the show. It felt rushed. So – modest as I am! – I tried my own luck with it. I'd love to hear your opinion on it, so if you can spare the time, please be a doll and leave a review.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks to all of you for your great support, for your favorites, alerts and reviews. And a big thank you to Haku2009 for betaing the second chapter and her overall help with this story.**

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A kiss is a strange thing. It can be meaningless, it can be profound, all depending on the person you're kissing. It can change everything and you can never take it back.

The night I promised Dani that I would get her the tapes I wanted to kiss her so badly, so I had to leave. I knew that kissing her would be profound for me and I didn't want to take advantage of her. I didn't want to disrespect her like that. I didn't want to disrespect myself. I didn't want to be her rebound after Matt. I didn't want to put us in an awkward situation.

I was quite proud of my self control as I left her. Resisting her must've been one of the toughest things I have done. Then Marshall died. He's dead. I still have trouble believing it. Part of me still expects him to show up at my place or that when I switch on the TV I will see him with a smug grin on his face explaining how he fooled all of us.

But yesterday they found his body. I was glad that he sent the tapes before he died. Not only because it allowed me to keep my promise to her but also because it gave me an excuse to visit her. It wasn't just because I knew that Dani would feel safe again after I'd give them to her but also because I didn't want to feel so alone. She always makes me feel less alone.

So I visited her yesterday to bring her the tapes and to be close to her. When she leaned in to kiss me this time, I couldn't resist. I needed her too much. Kissing her meant something, to me at least. I avoid thinking about the L-word, but still it lingers. Dani is not just a friend to me.

And now I'm standing in her office while she sits in her fancy chair. She stares at me like a deer caught in traffic light. That is exactly what I was afraid of. Part of me, a big part just wants to leave. I could do that. I have no official business here, so I could just turn around and walk away.

But I don't because yesterday we kissed and it was profound and now I need to deal with it.

"Why did you kiss me?" I ask.

Dani crosses her legs. "It was an emotional moment. You just lost a friend and I felt shaken." She uses her therapist-voice, the one she uses to calm people down. But her foot is teetering and her fingers are drumming on her upper arm.

"That's a great analysis of the situation, but it doesn't answer my question."

She shakes her head. "We have the worst timing."

Yes, we have. "Why did you kiss me, Dani?"

"I don't know." She hangs her head, avoiding my gaze.

"You're lying," I say. I know she is. Somehow I'm glad she can't look at me when she lies. "Why?"

When she looks at me again, her face is open. "How do you do that? Read me like that? How do you know me like that?" she asks.

"It's …" I pause. How should I answer that? I could tell her that I learned to read people, that it's part of my job, but with her that's just one part of the truth. "Your face," I say eventually. "You have a very open face."

"Then how come other people can't?"

"Maybe they don't look." I always look. When she's around I have to keep myself from staring at her.

I wonder if she knows that. Right now she looks at me as if she knew. She nibbles on her lip and her brows furrow. That's her thinking-face. All I can think about now is how badly I want to kiss her again.

She stands up and walks towards me, her arms crossed. "That night when you told me that Pittman had the tapes, why did you leave?"

"I said what I needed you to hear and you wanted me to leave."

"And yesterday?" She tilts her head. "Why did you kiss me, Nico?"

I'm thinking about the L-word now. I'm not going to tell her that. We have the worst timing. I don't think that she's over Matt yet and I don't want to be her rebound guy. I always was the second choice for Gabrielle. I think she loved me it just wasn't enough to choose me over Marshall and his money. I don't want that with Dani.

I didn't ask her why she kissed me because I'm under the illusion she might feel something for me. I came her to hear her say that she doesn't. I don't want to drag this out. I need a clean cut. I need the truth.

I must've been silent for too long, because Dani squints at me again. "You can't expect me to tell you all, when you hold everything back yourself," she says.

"You really think I do that?" I told her about Gabrielle. I told her about Marshall.

Her features soften again and she touches my arm. "Please, Nico."

I gulp. "I wanted to kiss you. I couldn't resist. If I hadn't left the other day, I would've kissed you then too," I say. Then, "Did it matter at all that it was me?"

"Of course it did." She removes her hand from my arm and runs it trough her hair. "Dammit, after I got divorced I stumbled into an affair with a hot football-trainer, now that Matt and I didn't work out I should probably be kissing a causal, sexy surfer guy with great abs. Not you." She gestures freely, her hands moving through the air and illustrating her words. She's not lying now.

It hurts more than I expected. I thought, I would be prepared. I'm not. I need to leave now. "Okay. I call you when the Hawks need you."

"You're not leaving now!" Her hand catches my arm when I try to turn around and she pulls me back to face her. She pushes her hands against my chest. "You freak me out, don't you get that? Everything always falls apart and you're the only one that's…" She doesn't finish the sentence, she just breathes.

I can feel the warmth of her hand creep trough the cotton of my blazer. "That's what?" I ask. We're so close now, staring into each other's eyes. I want to kiss her so much right now.

"That's stable," she says and shakes her head slightly. "The mysterious fixer that probably holds more secrets than I do became the only person I trust. This is insane and I don't know –"

This time she doesn't finish the sentence because I bend down and kiss her before she can. I cup her face with one hand and wrap my other arm around her waist. She sighs against my mouth when I pull her against me. She feels so good. When her tongue slips into my mouth, I lose it for a little bit. She tastes so good. She's clinging to my shoulders. The way she presses her hips against mine drives me insane. I break the kiss before I lose the last bit of my control and take her right here in her office.

"Nico …" She sounds breathless.

Our foreheads rest against each other, her body is still flushed against mine. Her eyes are still closed when I open mine again. At some point, I must've lifted her up, because now her feet are dangling over the floor. I put her down gently and and her hands move from my shoulders.

When I cup her face, she nuzzles her cheek against my hand. I run my thumb over her lips and she opens her eyes. She's so beautiful. That L-word fills my head again, but I'm not ready to say it yet.

"What do you need?" I ask quietly. "Tell me what you need and I'll do it." That I have to tell her. I need her to know I'll do whatever she asks me to. If she allows me to, I will do whatever I can to make her happy.

"Don't leave," she whispers.

So I stay and kiss her again. It's enough for now.

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**Thanks for reading. I hope you enjoyed it. If you find the time, I'd love to hear your thoughts on it, so please leave a comment.**


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